Last Minute Lie

Last Minute Lie

The call came

the way most of them do.

The day before,

after weeks of planning

and the event

scheduled for all day

with friends invited.

 

“Can’t make it.” she said,

“sorry.

It’s money,

I just had

an unexpected expense.’

“I understood,” I said

and it was true.

 

Then,

I thought about it.

Story didn’t add up,

started seeing holes

and once that starts

there’s no going back.

 

This is a person

who made shit happen

when it was necessary.

Thousands overnight

and didn’t they have excess

at the moment?

How much

are we talking about?

 

She just got a better offer

then a day with me.

I really got it then

and it pissed me off, at first

then just disappointed me

the second

everything became clear.

Yellow

Yellow

Fear.

Fear of loss

of losing everything I have

or will ever have the opportunity to gain.

 

Fear

like a festering torment

a tumor growing inside

that cannot be satisfied

until discussion or conversation

and the resulting decision

made by someone outside of yourself

is understood.

 

Fear of no control

Fear of nothing you say will be understood

or cared about by anyone.

Fear of loneliness.

Fear that no one else

will ever be interested enough

to get you

or you interested enough to get them.

Fear of the unrequited pining shit

that is that crazy four letter L word.

 

Fuck,

fear!

 

Fear of forever lonely

Fear of the unknown,

the possibility of bad things

happening randomly,

at any given moment

and nothing in time is ever positive.

 

Fear of the end.

Fear of losing life,

lived or not

Fear of missing

opportunities that present themselves

of not being prepared

when that bastard comes knocking

and sticks its ugly fucking face in your door

holding the keys to everything and evermore.

 

Fear of death

of it happening like lightning strikes

or of killing one’s self

Fear of, this is it

and the current stage is not the legacy

with nothing complete and no second self found.

 

Fear of being just a grease stain

on the earth

to be scraped,

cleaned

flushed away and forgotten.

The Sound, Of…

The Sound, Of…

Unspoken words

never uttered

left

to grow wild

interbreed

to create

new meanings.

 

A vine

started from beans

with a creature at the end

created

from aggression.

 

Unchecked emotions

betrayed

unforgotten moments

ignored

 

appear

from nowhere

silently smashing

in a grunted rage

chokes

and a cold stare

peers out

form a cage.

 

Pained hearts

dance

center stage,

diving

into the mosh pit.

 

The turbulent silence

locked straight

and jacketed

in life’s padded cell

becomes deafening.

 

Shut of possibilities

a world of static

and white noise

created by fear

grows louder

until what is unsaid

is all that is said.

Drive

Drive

Theme music at seventy,

odometer fifteen over that.

My, self, lost,

in moments of whipped landmarks

passed

by the possession of an interstate

with gas

hammered to the coast.

 

Thoughts are lost,

ideas are found

and a windowless howl

removes all cares around

an eight cylinder horror show.

Roar and grip,

shoulders settle and hide.

 

Exhale,

breathe fresh fumes,

fuel

rubber

press down,

to race the sky’s cotton blue.

 

Scenery swept

acceleration blurs

hallucinations of time

against a northern coastline.

White breaks cutting sand

I scent the sea,

both salt and weed

cold intoxication increased.

 

Mountains ahead,

wind blows me high

and away

stomp shoe

in a coastal blast

to stations unknown,

relax on exotic lands

dreamt of

on warm nights in sand

beside a wave

crash,

 

accelerate.

Less Than

I don’t want

to be left without

because

I would cease

to be.

 

All the things

that make me wish

to touch

to smell and see,

and everything that thrives

on being alive.

 

Being human

means

being fallible.

It means

being

less than, perfect

which is, perfection.

 

I am

perfectly

me.

Jewel

Jewel

It begins in a dream sleep

a single one celled

dark and alone

beneath piles and miles of minerals

earthen ash and dinosaur trash

compounded by molten millennia

fused in earths womb

until birth is given unto it.

 

Discovered

in its pure state

raw and unrefined

a uniform of diamonds

hard and rough

jagged edged and yet,

precious.

 

It lives, a frozen glacier

colored shards of its own

design looking out

waiting to be set.

Beneath All The Preamble

Beneath All The Preamble

We hold these truths

to be self-evident

at this moment

that all men are created equal,

until we decide they are not.

These people

are endowed by their Creator

with certain unalienable Rights,

and among these are Life

such as we deem fit,

and the pursuit of Happiness

by preapproved means.

We the people, who stole this land

in Order to form a utopia,

establish just us, in this new world

insure a less savage and primitive land,

provide for our common defense,

and promote our general Welfare,

while securing the Blessings of Liberty

to ourselves and our Posterity,

do ordain and establish this Constitution

for the United States of America.