I started up the mountain
and turned back as you slipped.
I heard voices on the other side
and listening to them tell tales
I never heard you scream.
I thought of possibilities,
remembered destiny doesn’t exist
except by what we make
and I continued ascending the mountain
because I had to look into the valley.
Growth explosion erupted
from a place I had known existed,
though had long forgotten.
When I was sick, alone
and crying out, where were you?
I knew you heard, but stubbornness
encompassed much of what we were
back then, coupled with the fear
of always, every day and forever .
Our most loyal companions
sit on our shoulders every day
screaming into one ear
while reason whispers into the other.
The screaming always wins
because reason is confusing
coupled with the voices of love, logic
and the terror of life lessons
forged since the beginning of forever.
That is what I recall by the light of long days
and moonless sleepless nights
as slowly part of my soul became a decrepit,
gangrenous limb removed from its host.
It withered and turned yellow/brown
while that cheesy stink ate itself alive.
I wanted to see the earth melting
From fire raining from the sky
just to see and to know
that I could go there if I chose.
I wanted to look over and see hell
to understand what could have been
then choose to release it all to fall away.