And now an update from the Never Never Wonderland of OZ, where all of the cities are ruby and jade and all the plants are eatable, but can kill you.

After what became known as the “Wicked Incident” the Queen of Hearts got a divorce and married the Scarecrow who became king. They remain good friends with the Tin Man who runs a group home for lost boys in Munchkin Land. Peter Pan finally grew up. He got together with Dorothy who is a home remedy holistic healer. They own property in the haunted forest where they cultivate hemp seed and keep the entire kingdom supplied.

Tinker Bell thought she liked the strong silent type and married the Cowardly Lion, but has since been having an affair with the Mad Hatter. The Lion on the other hand has been secretly seeing the door mouse and is thinking about coming out.

The great and powerful Oz was driven out of the Emerald City and has ended up homeless. He formed a gang with the Tweedle Brothers and now wanders the Yellow Brick Road robbing the rich.

Willy Wonka is presently under negotiations to relocate the chocolate factory from England and have Munchkins run it because the Oompa Loompas formed a union with the teamsters. They are seeking protection and hazard pay from the Snoz Wanglers and Vermishious Knids that have somehow located the factory.

Mr. Wonka’s original plan was to hire Hobbits and Dwarves to protect them, but they are still under contract and could not be released under the Jackson/Weta copyright laws. According to the Tolkien family, Hobbits are actually under the Tolkien/Rowling copyright laws and should be released. The last word is they have spoken to the current headmaster of Hogwarts about the logistics of invading New Zealand. Since the breakdown in negotiations the rumor was that Mr. Wonka has spoken to a Mr. Lucas in California about Jedi’s.

In a statement issued to the press last week Mr. Lucas said if it were necessary he would send Jedi’s at light speed anywhere on the planet that they were needed, as long as the Mouse said it was okay.

All in all the private institutions in the North, South, East and West are still in fierce competition and have seen a severe drop in admissions of late. The problem is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has seen and immense upswing in popularity in recent years.

In other news: The final word in the large land deal just north of the Emerald City. It seems the purchase was in fact supposed to be made by the U.S. in an allied deal with Disney in a secret plan to claim all rights of our world in a slow takeover. However, it was recently discovered that the land could not be sold for it is not owned. It has in fat been leased in a one thousand year deal. The true owner of Never Never Wonderland, roads, regular and yellow, forests, haunted and otherwise, has been sublet by a small group of elves working on behalf of a silent partner based out of the North Pole.

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