Attack of the Little People

School’s out and there are children everywhere. My Starbucks is overflowing with a munchkin hoard. Where do the ones that look older fit in? Development is such a strange thing. I just saw a girl that couldn’t be more than ten, but her face is exactly who she is going to be in twenty years. We have to grow into our bodies sometimes.

I seem to have surpassed my body. Mine face was late twenties and that’s where it stopped. Spots, wrinkles and receding gray hair tell another story, but outside of that I remain.

Two little girls are sitting outside, they don’t look like those who can afford the thousand calorie venti blends and it shows. One has a water and she has added ten raw sugars and started mixing it with her straw. They are a year or so younger then the teenagers at the next table, two of which are sucking face like they want to taste each other’s lunch.

For the record I had nothing like that in High School. At all!!! But I knew those were the ones fucking. The tell is, what you do in public is nothing compared to what you do in private. It’s not one hundred percent, but it’s a safe bet.

The line for drinks is wrapped around the bar and I want coffee, but I don’t want to swim in the sea of little people, all talking and giggling around my chest and back. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t enjoy little kids. Bill Burr said, “they are fun up until they start thinking they know shit.” That’s a safe line for me as well. Between that and the time you can start having actual conversations is no fun.

Except my nephew, he rocks… I guess it’s different when it’s yours.

I couldn’t have a conversation with the Suckface’s either although it’s somewhere around high school when I think they will start to become interesting. As for the bigger one that looks like everyone’s legal guardian… I have no opinion.

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